Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
