**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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