You just made me feel so damn special
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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