I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
