Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
