He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
