So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
