I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
