You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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