You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
