bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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