How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
