Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
