I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
