I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
