chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
