you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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