You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
