My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
