I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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