once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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