I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
