so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
