I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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