Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
