worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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