he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
where am i from again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
