Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
