Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
