We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
