Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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