it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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