Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
