My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
