he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
