Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
