Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
