I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
