found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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