Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
