so explain again why im purple
no
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
