..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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