you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You pole danced in your parka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
