i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
