I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I still have a little drunk in my system
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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