i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
