im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
