I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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