i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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