my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
