Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
