In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my being single is dangerous.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
