you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
3 2 1 whiskey
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
