I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
