Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
