Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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