Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
