Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
